Sunday, August 24, 2008 @ 15:31
sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh!
it's just so hurtful, too many times that i've somehow learnt to control my inner anger.
good or bad? up to you guys to decide.
sometimes i think it's bad cause i end up keeping every single thing to myself,
sometimes good cause it's not good to show anger all the time; telling myself that i must tolerate tolerate tolerate, don't retaliate!
but just how much more of this can i put up with?
i want to be what you want me to be too, but i've really really tried my very best.
even going by faith didnt help me, though it gave me hope and assurance for some times.
i know i cant be like others, they can take things easily and not feel cautious of themselves.
but i cant, it has hurt my so so so much that i've lost the confidence for anything.
feeling crushed and disappointed (depressed is not the word)
i feel so hopeless and useless; everybody else can but i cant.
my self esteem have hit rock bottom! even i myself dont believe in my ability to achieve anymore and am not hopeful for anything at this moment.
not even the simplest thing that has a slight possibility, my optimism is running real low now.
why cant i be accepted just as how i am? i feel condemned and really looked down upon.
is it that important?
even i myself cant accept myself, how then can others accpet me? i'm sick and tired of hearing the same old things.
pheww, that's a relief.
i seriously need to go for a swim!